Carlos Tevez appears to be preparing to sign with Real Madrid in January 2012. The rumor written by Barry Gladdenning of the Guardian is (with due respects) laughable.

I am trying to compose myself writing about Tevez in Real Madrid. The difficulty in writing this article is trying to control the laughter by asking the question.

Why would Jose Mourinho want Carlos Tevez at the present time? Tevez would have been great in the beginning of 2011 but (using a phrase from The Monkees: an America Rock Group) that was then and this is now.

The reasons are self explanatory but it is worth reviewing:

Tevez was once a respected member of Manchester United and Manchester City. Tevez was one of the greatest in the Premier League until recently.

Tevez wanted to leave Manchester City to be with his family in Argentina which is a great idea. Tevez went about achieving his dream the wrong way.

During the UEFA Champions League match between Manchester City and Bayern Munich, Roberto Mancini (Manchester City manager) called Tevez to play within the last minute. Tevez responded by sitting in his chair and DISOBEYING MANCINI AND MANCHESTER CITY.

No athlete in their right mind who earns a salary that others dream of would ever disobey a coach. Tevez has become an exception to this rule for the following reason.

Tevez is toxic to any team after he burned his bridges during the UEFA Champions League match between Manchester City and Bayern Munich. Maradona does not want Tevez since the last thing he needs is a disobedient player.

FIFA is thinking about showing Tevez the door. The Manchester City supporters do not want Tevez either.

Anzhi Makhachkala is the only team willing to sign Tevez in January. The only idea in my mind for Tevez is either Sibir Novosibirsk (in Siberia) or a return to Argentina.